I slept like a log last night, woke just before 8 and had to drag myself out of bed….. so tired!
Had to be at Tartan Campers for 9am so they could have a look at the reversing camera and a few other snags with the van. They LOVED the new wheels. Suggested I put a 1inch lift on it……. something to think about. So anyway, I have to book it in to take it back to get the camera and snags done so while it was a wee bit of a wasted trip I got to head back via the coast.
Went to Gro Coffee for a coconut milk latte. Now this is where my anxiety kicks in…. I had been thinking I’d get a wee cake… I say wee… Gro’s cakes are humungous…. but I couldn’t see any. Gro specialise in cakes…. the girl said do you want something to eat….. eh, eh, eh….. mind empties, can’t see cakes, why are there no cakes… always have cakes… very strange… “no I’m ok thank I’m going to be good…..” “oh come on” she says… “what about a bacon roll?”….. don’t fancy bacon rolls anymore…. “or some French toast?…. you know our French toast is lovely?!”……… “oh yeah ok then French toast then thanks…… oh yeah course I’ll take maple syrup and bacon….” (aforementioned bacon is the reason I don’t eat bacon rolls anymore)
Oh my god…. in the space of 30 seconds I have ordered and paid for something I didn’t even want. I feel better as the waitress seems happier….. honestly. Could it be any more ridiculous?!?
Then I see the cakes…………….. 🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🧁🥮🧁🍰🥮🧁🍰🥮
They are in the window. It’s all set up as takeaway for COVID. If there’s a queue people would queue past the cakes. There was not queue at 9.30am on a very wet and windy Friday.
“Oh there are the cakes…..” I say out loud……… am I hoping she reads my mind and says “do you want to cancel the French toast with bacon and maple syrup and have a cake instead?”…….. of course that’s what I want her to do.
I walk back to the van…. I have to wait for a phone call to get the thing I only ordered to keep the waitress happy and sit there stressing about being daft enough to miss the cakes and thinking of everyone I could have bought a cake for….
I should add here that I could have walked over the road and bought cakes but oh no, couldn’t figure that one out at the time.
I realise how crazy this sounds but that is honestly what happened….
I get my French toast and coffee and head round to the Irvine beach car park.
I eat the French toast and drink the coffee and even eat the bacon that I haven’t touched for months. All the while beating myself up for such a ridiculous situation.
Before I wrote this blog I kept all of this inside. Writing it down certainly helps me understand why I’m so exhausted all the time. Why do I make life so hard at times?!?!
By the time I took these and went back into the van I couldn’t feel my fingers. Certainly blew the cobwebs away though!
I ended up on the phone the rest of the time I sat there. Someone contacted me on FB the other day about the wheels I took off the camper van. She sent me a number to call so I decided to ring while sitting at the beach. Her husband answered and I had the loveliest chat with him about VW campers, wheels, covid blah blah. I’m sending them photos.
I then had a lovely chat with mum so she could tell me all of the the lovely gifts she got yesterday. She had the best day and loved being able to see so many people by way of zoom. She loved her birthday message video too. I think she watched and cried at it a few times yesterday. 🥰
I’m home now. I washed the wheels and sent photos to the couple who are interested and now I am determined I’m doing nothing. Completely nothing. I am shattered after yesterday’s histrionics in my head….. and of course, after French-toast-gate this morning. I cannot tell you how hard it is to have these constant battles with yourself. On the difficult days it’s hard to remember what good feels like.
Then just like magic a post on FB gives me a reminder for the hard days…. I’m pretty sure FB is listening to my inner thoughts which is not the good thing really is it?!?!
I’ve just had a FaceTime call with Claire next door. We were meant to be meeting for a walk but it’s miserable out there so we opted for FaceTime cuppa instead. Much better.
We have Beef Stroganoff x 2 coming from the pub tonight…. wee Rachel next door couldn’t remember what it was called and said the word reminded her of Strawberry milk so 2 Beef strawberry milks coming up. 🤣 I may have a cookies and cream cheesecake coming too. That’s never gonna help reducing the size of my BUTT….. 😆
Have a good weekend everyone. If you find something good to do in this rain please let me know.
Stay safe everyone 🌧🌧🌧