Day 311 reflections, anxiety then focus and achieve all in one day! 💥

The 1st February is always a reflection for me. My boyfriend of only 4 months was killed in a car accident in 1992. He was only 21. Such a waste of such a young life.

I’d been very lucky until that point I’d only lost my Grandad so it was a huge slap of reality in my otherwise sheltered life.

I spoke to him half an hour before he died. He was on his way from Peterhead to Penicuik, to stay with us. He never arrived. His best mate called…. which was very strange (remember these days before mobile phones….) He hung up. He assumed I knew but didn’t. He called back after he’d found somewhere private to speak as all his friends were together and had to tell me what happened. The police arrived a few hours later.

I’d always been a tearful person but boy did I cry… I thought my life had ended.

I contacted University and they asked when I roughy I was likely to feel better enough to go back. Wtf. I had Uni friends who left Edinburgh and came all the way out to Penicuik to see me having no idea where they were even going. I learned then what true friendship should and should not be. I learned then that some people just don’t know how to handle grief so you don’t see them for dust. I learned then to always speak to people about their grief and loss as I knew what it meant to them.

I learned the true value of life. 4 months of a relationship was nothing. We could have split up the next week, I had no idea what life would have been but I also had any control of that taken away in a second.

To this day Craig and I ALWAYS say “drive carefully” when the other one leaves the house or is heading home. ALWAYS.

Anyway a somber start but all part of this journey….

Back to today then…. my anxiety took a wee wobble this morning. Let’s call it a wee bit of overwhelm. I had lots to do today and could not decide which order was be to do them…. you know what, none of it was a big deal but you will know by now that I like to make things harder then they need to be.

All of that was thrown up in the air when I realised that Abbie the camper van was booked in to the garage today to get the exhaust manifold kit replaced. 😱😱😱

Meltdown. A few tears, a chat to Craig and all was resolved. Some things on my list would have to wait. Priority was to get the van down to the garage and to kill two birds with one stone I took the dogs down so I could walk the back. Can’t really ask anyone’s for a lift in times of COVID… and shhhhh don’t tell anyone but the Jeep is still not home yet. 🤫😳

So despite my breathless anxiety I did manage to start breathing again on the walk home. After a good 10-15 minutes of just faffing with dogs and leads and leads and dogs… you get picture.

The highland cows were out and about in their field on the drive down… on the walk back they were all hiding. They new my camera was coming.

It always amazes me that two photos taken in the same spot in different directions can look so different.

We had to walk through Beith and the pavements were covered in thick grit which is not good for lil’ puppy paws…. so I had to try to keep them off it as much as possible. Managed to catch this shot by being on an ungritted pavement!

So I came home and sat down and made all my Pawsitive Solutions calls. No problems, no nerves, booked a puppy Zoom call for….. wait for it…. Friday night at 7pm. Yeah I know….. I know where are my boundaries?!?!? Every penny helps these days and it’s not like I’ve anything better to do!!!

So by the end of the day all is well… and breathe.

Stay safe everyone ♥️♥️♥️