Day 304 sometimes you just need to sit and feel the sun 🔆

I reckon I should just have a sliding scale of moods so everyone knows what they are getting into when the read the blog. 😬

Today is just one of those days where I have to accept that nothing short of doing nothing is acceptable.

You will be pleased to know that my sleep was fairly calm and relaxed with no Mike Tyson fight going on next to me…. yet I have woken up in what I can only describe as a dwam….

I have ZERO motivation, no energy, no positivity. Just exhaustion.

I had put so much pressure on myself today… now when I say pressure, I can assure you this is NOTHING like the pressure I used to put on the old me…. the me that got up at 5.30am to drive to the office for 7.30am and to be fully in defensive mode only to leave after 6pm, getting home after 7pm and bed for just after 9pm most nights….. NOTHING like that. In fact as I type that I think for gods sake is this woman ever happy? She used to do all this and now she does virtually nothing and she’s still moaning?!?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

All weekend I’ve been think I was just a bit lazy, hey it’s the weekend… you can do it tomorrow. Yeah it would appear that was a big fat lie. I’ve done nothing today. I am half asleep inside my head and if anything does come out it’s either very sad or angry.

As I went to bed last night I saw a FB post about “if you think Trump was an idiot then check out this guy….. “ picture of Biden and something he was working on and I was livid, furious to the point of ridiculousness…. is that even a word?!? Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I find that I am throwing my toys out the pram sometimes at the incredulity and injustice of it all. Just because someone has a differing view. I need to reign that in pretty sharpish. I went to bed in a proper grump for no reason whatsoever.

So yeah, I hear you, stay off social media. Agreed but I get so much of my motivational input from social media, that’s why I use it. I need to learn to skim by things I disagree with and not hit some internal “wazzo” button that turns me into a raging loony. It means nothing. Move on and forget about it. (It’s still there for now but you knew that right?!)

So I was going to be up sharp and maybe out for a walk or steps with Team RH online then upstairs to make some Pawsitive Solution calls…. I have knee and shoulder exercises to do, crochet to rip out and decide what to do with it and the housework definitely needs thinking about. The doctor called about my knee X-ray which was clear… talked to me again about the importance of losing weight… I KNOW!!!!!!

Ok…. I know I’m overweight, I know I need to exercise, I know I need to eat healthy but I am tired. I’m tired of walking, tired of wanting to exercise and not doing it, tired of deciding what’s for eating….. woah…. check me. A bit of self indulgence there eh?!

I have been here before… many times. I didn’t want to come here again but here I am. I’ve survived 100% of the days so far and I will survive this. This too shall pass.

So I’ve sat up at my desk this afternoon with the window open and the sun beating in on my face and just breathed. It felt so good. So warm, so like summer.

I’ve done very little, I’ve looked through my motivational photos and tried to let them all sink in. I’ve ripped apart the cream and white crochet disaster and I’m going to pick another project to work on for a bit. I’ve done my Osteopath stretches. (Thanks for Craig for the motivation there!) I’ve written this. Now I will be calm. Today can start tomorrow and that is ok.

Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜