It’s been horrific weather today. Surprised this storm doesn’t have a name or maybe I’ve just missed it. It’s been way worse here than some of the named storms we’ve had that have come to nothing.
So up and out with the dogs sharp today. Was walking by 8am which is kinda unheard of for me on a Saturday but it’s nice to be out before anyone else. It’s just dull….
So as I said the cloud was just hanging over us and I’m afraid that summed up exactly how I was feeling. I’ve been totally overwhelmed the last few days and my anxiety has been at fever pitch.
With hindsight it’s been building up for a few weeks and I’ve felt out of control this week. I’m back to not eating properly, no meals just snacks, can’t think straight and catastrophising everything. Tears. A whole lotta tears. My confidence is back to a “lack of” and I’ve just been in a tailspin. It’s like a tornado in the brain. Everything short circuits and sparks and nothing makes sense.
The wee Citroeney thing was not happy in the driving rain and cross winds on the way to Dalry this morning but we got there!
The start of a kinesiology session is a catch up on how I’ve been for the last month. Poor Shelagh got a garbled blurb thrown at her from all angles. You get up onto the bed and lie down while we start the session and already I can see myself from the outside and how bad I was. I sounded like a maniac.
I’m already calmer. Her session starts with balancing your body chakras. With her hands on my head I felt everything calming and unravelling.
This is exactly how it feels. I can see the tailspin I was in and also understand that when it gets that bad I do struggle to get myself out of it. That will come.
I’ve just been so upset that I’ve felt bad again as I feel like I’ve had enough learning curve!! Why does my mind melt in difficult situations? Why do I give up, why do I think I’m not worthy when I know that I am. It’s all just triggers. I know that I’m very lucky to be finding out about all these so they can be fixed but I would really just like a break where I can feel “normal”…. whatever that is.
So in other less self indulgent and moaning news I have sold the double bed frame upstairs! It’s gone and so are all the mattresses that we’ve been storing for so long! I am decluttering!!! (This morning you’d think I’d been asked to climb Everest when the guy messaged to see if he could get it today!!)
So in true Norwegian style, the fire is on, the candles are lit and I have my comfies on. (Hmmmm I always have comfies on these days but hey…)
I’m having an alcohol free Punk IPA from BrewDog. That was some Saturday but it’s over now. Cannot recommend Shelagh Cumming’s kinesiology enough.
Onwards and upwards
Stay safe everyone ❤️🧡❤️