Up with the larks this morning…. coffee, shower and out to Beith Trust for volunteering with Abbie the camper van!
Had a lovely volunteering day… everyone was so in need of a good chat and I’m only more than happy to oblige! I took one lady some jam sachets that she wanted and she was so chuffed she tried to kiss and hug me and I had to say “you realise you can’t do that” which I was really sad about. She was so chuffed and took my hand and I knew what she meant. That made me smile as my Nana always said “she took me by the hand…” miss my Nana who died a few years back.
One lovely man almost had me in tears as he wanted to donate to Beith Trust and have a a huge donation while I was delivering his food…. he said “I want you to know I don’t need charity” I told him “this is not charity, this is us helping you as you can’t go to the shops right now as it’s not safe with the virus around”. He still gave me a cheque for a huge amount of money which was for his holiday that got cancelled for this year. What a lovely, lovely gesture from a lovely man. Made me feel very humble.
Home at about 1.30 and had lunch in the glorious sunshine… was so nice to feel some heat in the sun. Then Craig decided that he had some work to do on the Jeep… that is usually grounds for divorce in our house but I had my best behaviour on…. chief helper….if that’s even English…. 🤔🤷🏻♀️😆
So this needs investigating… I stopped drinking on 2nd January 2019 and never planned to give it up for good but actually found that my quality of life was so much better without it.
When the pubs closed on Friday 20th March I had wine that night and only showed myself why I didn’t drink. I didn’t like the taste, didn’t like the way it made me feel blah blah…. ever since we helped stock the pub the other day the wine witch has been calling to me…. telling me I can just have one and it will be fine. I’d even said to Craig if we go to the pub and I say I want wine, don’t let me have it. That’s not fair to put on him as I told him last night that one would be just fine…. then I’d just have a wee second glass.
I just wanted to be the same as everyone else… I guess it’s a fear of missing out? Why can everyone else have alcohol and I can’t?
Yet… again this morning I know why I can’t… I don’t want to be the person it turns me into. It goes into my system so fast that I don’t remember everything that happens. I lost my glasses last night and couldn’t find them anywhere (this morning… turns out they were still in the van!) so I couldn’t see to write this properly even although it was already half way through.
So yeah let’s put it into perspective. I had wine last night and I don’t like how it makes me feel… It reminds me of who I used to be and I am working hard to have a better quality of life than that….end of. I might need to work hard today to stop the self flagellation…. 😔
Stay safe everyone 💜💜💜