If you stop and think about this for long enough it can seem extremely surreal. Who would have ever thought this was remotely possible as we started 2020?
A new year, another fresh start, a chance to wipe the slate clean and start again. We all have the best of intentions of making this year count more than the last…. of making this year “better”… being healthier, fitter, just a better version of ourselves. I believe most of us live for tomorrow thinking tomorrow will be different and tomorrow will make up for all our shortcomings yesterday. We never took time to live in the moment. Everything was fast, days flew by, Craig and I were like ships that past in the night. We only had Sunday together and that passed in a flash. Life was just a constant sleep, drive, work, drive, eat, sleep. I had 2 hours at home in the evening if I was lucky.
A year ago I went off sick with anxiety and depression for the 2nd time in 6 months. Wham…. I am here all the time. He’s still working but I’m off sick, there’s days I can barely move but I feel guilty, I “should” do this, “should” do that… but I can’t… and I beat myself up that I can’t. Living with anxiety and depression is awful, a constant battle of worrying about everything and wanting to do everything now and yet not having the energy to lift your head off the pillow.
It’s a real strain on any relationship. The partner looks for reasons, causes, why it’s happening, how to fix it and yet the sufferer is the only one that can change anything with a lot of hard work and mostly time. They say time heals everything but in this case it’s true. A whole lot of days, weeks, months and years. Time to realise the true meaning of life. Time to realise what really matters, who really matters. Time to focus on the present day as the past is full of blame and the future is full of uncertainty and fear. Time.
Then….. we are told by our Government to stay at home to save lives and to protect our wonderful NHS from becoming overwhelmed by cases of coronavirus. There’s a virus spreading around the world that is happening to other countries and I certainly naively thought it wouldn’t necessarily hit us in the same way. But it did…… and it hit us harder than most European countries.
On Friday 20th March 2020, pubs, restaurants etc all close. They cannot open on Saturday 21st March and by Monday 23rd, those of us who can stay home and home.
Many of us rush to get all the thing done that have stacked up over the years. We did a huge amount at the start… greenhouse, shed, roofing, garden, painted sheds etc. All of a sudden we have time. We do what we do best, we try to fill that time with as much as possible.
I think the blog became a way of me writing it all down daily trying to make some sense of it all. We are together all the time when we never were before. Maybe the blog allows Craig to understand some of the chaos in my head 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😆 it makes more sense to both of us written down. Most importantly of all we have time….. time together to get to know each other again. Time to laugh at each other, with each other…. and it’s really lovely. He still leaves everything at his a*se when he feels like it, I still get defensive and witter on about what we should be doing and shouldn’t be doing but we can laugh at it. Our communication is way better because we have been given the gift of time.
When I’m tired and my mind is fuzzy and can’t concentrate he still uses too many words sometimes and I need him to narrow it down to the basics. 😬 When he says “would you like some brown sauce on your bacon roll” I said, “what, sorry, too many words…. 🤣” he now just says “brown sauce” and I nod. Now if that’s not communication then I don’t know what is 🤣🤣🤣
Lockdown has taught us that we don’t need material things to make our life better. We need love, companionship, friends, connection. Lockdown has taken away one of the things that we maybe took for granted. That connection with our family and friends was gone in a flash. No more hugs… we had to find ways of keeping that alive without the physical connection. We’ve had zoom family calls, house party chats with friends, cuppas over fences and up ladders with neighbours and WhatsApp chats like you wouldn’t believe.
You all joined my crazy stay at home world and it made it easier for me. I felt less pressure to be out and about, meeting people, going places, doing stuff… because we can’t, we aren’t allowed to. I like this and I’m not gonna lie I’m scared of what the future holds because I like this. I’m worried I’m becoming a hermit!! When I speak to others though there are many of us that are the same, we have our own little home bubbles and routines that have become our new normal… what will phase 2 of easing lockdown look like for us?
It’s a bit strange being in Scotland as our UK Government say one thing but we have to follow our devolved Scottish Government. I keep reading things in the news and then realised it won’t apply to us right now. It’s splitting the country more than ever. Boris talks about England and it does feel like the rest of us don’t exist. While I’m very proud of the way our government have handled our virus strategy, us Scots still get angry seeing communication with NHS England instead of UK. I’m not sure why but we’ve always been funny about that, feeling like we are not as important. Anyway I digress….
The R number in England (the number of people one COVID-19 sufferer can infect) has naturally increased since the easing of their lockdown restrictions while Scotland is still lower as we are not allowed out as far yet. I’m sure ours will increase with further easing and we just have to deal with this when it comes.
I hope that we all reflect on this time and deepen our relationships with those we love as that, after all, is really all that matters ❤️
I have mostly spent today planning camper van interiors and it’s been lovely. I still have no plan but I have lots of ideas! I’m going to call her Abbie as her reg is ABZ I did toy with just Abs but then thought I’d constantly think of my severe lack of them than anything else…. not a positive connotation! So Abbie it is. 🚐🥰
I got a lovely card from a very old friend today….. she’s not very old but I’ve known her a long time. Well she is older than me come to think of it 😬😆
Sending you a hug ❤️a paper hug until I can give you a real one
Just lovely and so very kind of her to think of me. She says she doesn’t need to ask how I am as she reads this! 😘
Stay safe everyone ❤️❤️❤️