Last night after the girls finished on the slip and slide our neighbour Colin invited us to his new decking for socially distanced drinks. We took our own chairs and glasses and drink to make sure we didn’t cross contaminate anything and had a lovely wee catch up, first time in about 3 months. We came home just after 8 and sat out until about 10,30pm. It did get a wee bit chilly and I had to wrap up in my crochet blanket!
Over drinks earlier Colin invited Craig to go and see his yacht in Ardrossan Harbour. I wasn’t going to go but decided I couldn’t miss the photo opportunity!
It’s raining!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😱😱😨
Sitting outside when we came home having a late bite of lunch and it’s started to rain so we are just gonna sit here and not move…. sitting through it!
We had to give in and sit inside eventually… didn’t like indoors lockdown before!!
So I want to say something about all the photos I have posted so that you can understand a bit more about how bad our minds are and how we speak to ourselves. Unless I am on a diet and very thin which hasn’t been often in my life, I have a shocking self body image. I took one look at these photos and said to Craig “well I’ll not be posting any of them… they’re shocking” he apologised….. none of it is his fault… I have yet to embrace my size 16 shape. I’m not typing this for anyone to tell me otherwise but I feel I look awful this size. Yet I have posted loads of them…. my counselling has shown me that I need to learn to accept what is… accept the size I am to love myself before I can move on. That is sooooooooo difficult to do. Headshots I think…. hmmmmmmm yeah that’ll do but anything below that and I am horrified. I don’t feel this size so I’m shocked when I see myself. The hardest part of all this is that all through my life I have felt fat… what I wouldn’t give to be like that again!!! Yet I know how to do it and just can’t just now. For a million reasons I just don’t have the energy… I managed 15k steps for a good few days, others I’ve managed 10k and others I’ve been scared to look. My diet is pretty shocking, just laziness, but I have to just take one day at a time and know that whatever will be will be and it’s ok. It’s ok to be heavier, it’s not the end of the world… just so long as no one takes photos of me 🤦🏻♀️😱 all joking aside, I know it will come when the time is right, the weight will fall off as fast as it went on and until that day I need to deal with, sorry be proud of who I am. I thought this might be a wee step in that direction.
Interesting to read that New Zealand are considering lifting lockdown next week after 11 days with no new cases of COVID-19z we have 436 new hospital admissions and I read somewhere that this was just for England… yet our lockdown is easing? Guess we just have to wait and see what that means for the UK.